Benny Hinn and other Comedians

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Text and Sound Files taken from Clay Loomis’ Oddities Wav Page

The Photos are my own addition. Listen and Enjoy!

A lot of strange stuff has happened in the world. William Shatner & Leonard Nimoy tried to sing. Jerry Falwell & Pat Robertson think feminists caused the 9/11 tragedy. Some people do very strange things with gerbils, and pay the price. Here you’ll hear about those things and other audio oddities.

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I didn’t digitally fiddle with any of these clips. These people do their own fiddling- with other folks wallets.

There’s this guy named Benny Hinn running a little God sideshow called the Benny Hinn Ministries. Benny whacks people on the head, which cures their cancer and makes their missing limbs grow back. Nice guy. Apparently, lots of people buy that shit too, because they give him a lot of money for that show. Here, Benny explains how he’d like to pop a cap in someone’s ass.
God’s machine gun 32k

benny hinn

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On December 31st, 1989, Benny did some prognostication for the upcoming 1990’s. OOPS!

The Spirit tells Benny-boy that Fidel Castro will die. Swing-and-a-miss, strike one 66k

The Lord tells Benny that in ’94 or ’95 (Apparently, The Lord was kind of vague)
the entire homosexual community in America will be destroyed.

Swing-and-a-miss, strike two 132k

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His wife Suzanne takes the stage and does her act as well. A serious nut-job in her own right, Mrs. Hinn actually said this onstage in front of a huge congregation, and it went out over the airwaves to Hinntites everywhere. The video of this instance of insanity is freely available on the Web. She sounds winded, but it’s only because she’s worn herself out walking back and forth. At the end of all this nonsense she throws herself to the ground and rolls around like she has rabies or something, which, for all I know, she does (it would explain a lot). If anyone is offended by this file, don’t blame me. Talk to the con artists at the Benny Hinn Ministries.
Colonics for Christ 222k

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Jerry Falwell & Pat Robertson blame the 9/11 attacks on the ACLU, feminists, and other Americans. 115k Gee, and all this time I’ve been blaming Muslim terrorists.

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On Monday, 9/22/05, Pat Robertson announced on his nutbag religious show, The 700 Club, that the United States should send in covert operatives and assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. After a huge international uproar, Pat announced on his Wednesday show that his words had been taken out of context and that he never said anything of the kind. YES HE DID! Here is the audio from his Monday show. You tell me, does this sound out of context to you? Of course, assassinating foreign leaders is against U.S. law, but Pat goes on to say that killing Chavez shouldn’t effect shipments of oil from Venezuela. Well, I guess that makes it O.K. for Pat, but I wonder what version of the Bible he’s been smoking.

I find it very disturbing that someone who vents his conservative political agenda so openly can gain tax-free status as well by presenting himself as a man of God. He’s just Rush Limbaugh with a Bible in his pocket. What’s truly frightening is that thousands of stupid Americans listen to and believe this shithead.
If God does exist, Pat Robertson will go straight to Hell! 197k

Jerry Falwell & Pat Robertson
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I love this one. This is a clip featuring Pastor Arnold Murray, of the Shepherd’s Chapel church. During the broadcast, someone obviously arrives off camera and yells “Blasphemy!” Sounds of a struggle can be heard as well. Pastor Arnold brings his finger across his throat to try and cut taping, but before they can cut away, the good pastor whips open his briefcase, pulls out a pistol and……… Well, just give a listen.
No cheek turning here. This is pure Old Testament stuff. Don’t ask me what happened to the boy. This clip goes right up to the end of the broadcast and I know nothing of what happened afterward. The Pastor’s packing heat! 46k

Pastor Arnold Murray

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This is Dr. Fred Price preaching at the Ever Increasing Faith Ministries in California. Here he explains how good Christian kids should deal with drug dealers in their neighborhoods.
Smash their heads with a brick 39k Kids, if you want to live very long, don’t actually try this.

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Story of Yajooj and Majooj – The Gog and Magog

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YA’JOOJ MA’JOOJ (Gog and Megog)

God created a nation called Ya’jooj and Ma’jooj. In the beginning they were free. King Zulqarnian imprisoned up behind a wall. They are still imprisoned today, and will be freed near the Day of Judgement. They will come out and create a lot of trouble. Their population is ten times larger than the world’s population.

As we know King Zulqarnain travelled from East to West and North to South. When he was travelling the world, he imprisoned the Ya’jooj Ma’jooj behind a very thick wall. Zulqarnain went East, the people said to him, “In between these mountains, there is a nation called Ya’jooj Ma’jooj, who are like animals. Their teeth are like those of wild animals. When they come out they eat snakes, scorpions, horses, mules, donkeys, vegetables and wild animals. We will give you anything if you build a wall between the Ya’jooj Ma’jooj and us so that they won’t harm us.” Zulqarnain said, “I don’t need paying, but what I would like is that you can help me by bringing me pieces of iron, wood and coal.” When they brought these things, Zulqarnain started to build the wall. After this, he started to blow on it. When it became red-hot, he said, “Bring liquid copper.” He put this liquid copper on the wall and made it very strong. Then he said, “They will come out from behind the wall, when Allah wants them to”

Iranischer Meister - Gog and Magog Iranian Persian Turkish Painting

To this day the Ya’jooj Ma’jooj are trapped behind this wall. Everyday, they try to break this wall. When the sun sets, the wall is as thin as a sheet of paper. Their leader says, “Come on, let’s go home now. Leave it, it is like a page. We will come tomorrow and break it down.” When they come the next day, with God’s will, the wall is as strong as before. Everyday, that is what they do, but when it is time for them to come out, then that day they will try to break that wall but in the evening, the wall will be as thin as a page. The leader will say, “Leave it for today and says the words Inshallah (if it is Allah wills) we will finish it tomorrow.” When they come the next day, they will see that the wall is as thin as a page and then they will break the wall and come out. This will be the time when Hazrat Isa (alayhi salaam) will be ruling the world. Allah will order Hazrat Isa (alayhi salaam) to take all his followers to the mountain of Tur.

Buhaira Tabria or Lake Tiberias in Palestine All This Water will be Gone!

The Ya’jooj Ma’jooj will come and eat the people in the world. They will drink all the water from the East and all the water from Buhaira Tabria. Wherever there is water, they will drink all of it. If they find any humans they will eat them. People will be scared and will hide. When they don’t see a person on earth they will say, “We have finished all the people on earth now we will fight the people in the sky.” They will shoot arrows towards the sky. Allah will make their arrows red and send them back, and then they will be happy and say “ That we have killed the people in the sky also”. At that time, Prophet Isa (alayhi salaam) will be on the mountain. There will be a shortage of food. Prophet Isa (alayhi salaam) and the other Muslims will pray to Allah, “Oh Allah! Save us from them.”

Allah will listen to their prayers and create a spot on their necks. With that, they will all die. Then Prophet Isa (alayhi salaam) and the Muslims will come down from the mountain, they will see that all the ground is covered with bodies and a dirty smell will be spreading. They will pray to Allah, “Oh Allah! Save us from this dirty smell.” Allah will send birds whose necks are like camels’. They will take all the bodies and throw them on mount Nimbar, this mountain is in Palestine. After this, Allah will send rain. With this, all the ground will be clean. Then Prophet Isa (alayhi salaam) with his people will stay on the ground and the shortage of food will finish. Allah will send blessings in everything. There will be so much blessing that one pomegranate will be enough for one tribe, and one pomegranate’s peel will make one big tent enough for a group of people to stay under. In this way, one cow’s milk will be enough for one tribe. All these blessings will come when all the Ya’jooj Ma’jooj are dead.

Buhaira Tabria or Lake Tiberias in Palestine All This Water will be Gone!

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Coming of the Dajjal – The One Eyed, The Anti-Christ

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Signs of the Appearance of the Dajjal and His Destruction

Major Signs of the Last Hour
A. Hijazi
© 1995 Al-Hijazi
http://islaam.com//Article.aspx?id=402
Signs of the Appearance of the Dajjal

A lengthy hadith narrated by Ibn Majah, Ibn Khuzaimah, and ad-Dhiyaa’, attributed to Abu Umamah, reports that the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, said,

“There will be three hard years before the Dajjal (appears). During them, people will be stricken by a great famine. In the first year, Allah will command the sky to withhold a third of its rain, and the earth to withhold a third a third of its produce. In the second year, Allah will command the sky to withhold two thirds of its rain, and the earth to withhold two thirds of its produce. In the third year, Allah will command the sky to withhold all of its rain, and it will not rain a single drop of rain. He will command the earth to withhold all of its produce, and no plant will grow. All hoofed animals will perish, except that which Allah wills.” He (sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam) was asked, ‘What sustains people during that time?’ He said, “Tahlil, takbir and tahmid (Saying, la ilaha ill Allah, Allahu Akbar and al-hamdulillah). This will sustain them just as food does.” [Sahih Al-Jami` as-Saghir, no. 7875]

Abdullah bin Umar narrated that the Messenger of Allah sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam said,

“The fitnah of Al-Ahlas (continuous calamity) is mass desertion and war. Then, the fitnah of As-Sarraa [meaning ‘the rich’, when some reach people use their money to hire others to fight for them] will start from under the feet of a man who claims that he is of me (of my descendants). However, he is not of me, for my loyal friends are the ones who have taqwa. Afterwards, people will unite around a man whose reign is unstable. Then, the fitnah of Ad-Duhaymaa [it is called ‘dark and black fitnah’ because of its enormity] (will start) and will not leave any member of this nation without severely touching him. When it is thought that its time has come to an end, it will be lengthened. Meanwhile (during this fitnah), a man will wake up as a believer and will meet the night as a disbeliever, until people divide into two camps: A camp of belief that contains no hypocrisy, and a camp of hypocrisy that contains no belief. If this happens, then await the Dajjal on that day or the next.” [Ahmad, Abu Dawood and al-Hakim, Mishkatul-Masabih, vol. 4, no. 5403]

The Dajjal Eye - Eye of the Dollar the New American Era

There are other signs to the imminent coming of the Dajjal. Mu`ath narrated that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, said,

“The flourishing of Jerusalem will mark the desertion of Yathrib (Madinah). The desertion of Yathrib will mark the start of Al-Malhamah [the great war that will start between ar-Rum and the Muslim forces before Muslims conquer Constantinople for the second time]. The start of Al-Malhamah will mark the conquering of Constantinople. The conquering of Constantionple will mark the appearance of Dajjal.” [Sahih Al-Jami` as-Saghir, no. 4096]

The flourishing of Jerusalem will happen by the hands of Muslims, by the will of Allah, after it will be retrieved from the Jews.

The Holy Land will be the seat of the Caliphate because the Messenger of Allah sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam said to Ibn Hawalah,

“O Ibn Hawalah! If you live to see the seat of the Caliphate of the Holy Land, then earthquakes, disasters and great calamities are imminent. Then, the Hour will be closer to people than this hand of mine to your head!” [Al-Hakim in Al-Mustadrak, vol. 4, p. 420, and he says, “Sahih”]

Then, Muslims will migrate to Ash-Sham to join the Jihad against the enemies of Allah from among the Jews and Christians. People of Madinah will desert it, not because they dislike it, but for the purpose of joining the Jihad for the sake of Allah. Then, it will be totally uninhibited, wild animals and beasts will roam through it, and it will stay deserted until the Hour begins.

Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, said,

“Madinah will be deserted while in its prime! Then, it will be inhabited by birds and beasts.” [Al-Hakim in Al-Mustadrak, vol. 4, p. 436]

“They (Muslims) will leave Madinah while in its prime. Only wild beasts and birds will roam it. The last persons to be gathered (for the beginning of the Last Day) will be two shepherds from (the tribe) of Muzainah heading towards Madinah. They will be herding their sheep, and (when they reach it) they will find it deserted. When they reach Thaniyyat Al-Wadaa` they will collapse on their foreheads (because the Hour will have started then).” [Ahmad, Al-Bukhari and Muslim, As-Silsilah As-Sahihah, vol. 2, no. 683]

Also, Abdullah bin `Amr said, “There will be a time among people when every believer will migrate to Ash-Sham.” [Al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak, vol. 4, p. 457, and he says “Sahih according to the conditions of Bukhari and Muslim” Adh-Dhahabee agrees.]

The Destruction of Al-Masih Ad-Dajjal

As was narrated in the Hadith by An-Nawwas bin Sam`an, the Dajjal will be killed at the hand of Jesus son of Mary.

The Dajjal’s death will occur after the angels turn him towards Ash-Sham away from the outskirts of Madinah. He will perish in Ash-Sham near the eastern door of Lud in Palestine, may Allah return it to the Muslim.

Before we start mentioning the second coming of Jesus son of Mary, we will mention the story of Al-Mahdy, Muhammad bin Abdillah.

Al-Mahdi will appear just before the coming of Jesus, alaihis salam. He will lead the Muslim nation with justice and kindness and establish Allah’s rule. A righteous Caliphate will reappear after the earth has experienced its share of injustice and tyranny. Jesus son of Mary will pray behind him. Among Al-Mahdi’s characteristics is that he will spend money on his subjects without counting it, along with many of his other righteous deeds that were mentioned in several correct hadiths.

For more information watch this lectue Dr. Bilal Philips about Al Maseeh Ad Dajjal

Download and listen to the audio version of this lecture